Gratitude. I can’t think about the last few months without feeling grateful. Grateful?! I lost 5 babies and had a mental health crisis – grateful?! It may not seem like the right word to sum up how I feel. But without the help of others, I wouldn’t have made it through those really hard days. The love and support of so many eased my pain.
To my darling husband, thank you for your patience and understanding when you were suffering the same loss. When you were struggling too. You are my hero. I don’t have words the adequately state how grateful I am for you. In all of the big decisions, we’ve been on the same page. In all of my struggles, you’ve listened and understood. You have never pushed me. You have never expected me to cope better. You have taken me as I am and done your best to help. I love you; you absolutely wonderful man.
To my daughter, thank you. Thank you for your smiles. Thank you for your humour, giggles, laughs and general silliness. Thank you for your cuddles and asking me if I am OK. Thank you darling girl. You are only little but your kindness is great. Mummy and Daddy love you so very much. You have made the last few months bearable. You brought the sunshine. We know that you have felt sadness too – you have coped remarkably.
To my family, I cannot express how grateful I am for all of the help, support and love. To my wonderful in laws who have continued to look after Boo while I was signed off sick with depression and anxiety – I cannot ever repay you for all you have done. Giving me time to heal, rest, process … I needed that time so badly and I am so grateful that your support allowed me to have that time. Knowing Boo was being so well looked after helped me to feel less guilty about being so unwell. Not only that, you have fed us, listened to us, hugged us, bought me a spa day. We all love you so very much. To my parents, you have been at the end of the phone ready to listen. You have kept Boo entertained and talked me through many tricky moments. Thank you for listening even when I am grumpy. Sometimes you bear the brunt of my grumpiness and you take it like seasoned pros! My siblings, I love you guys. You get me. You still accept me despite my sudden urge to tell then world what is in my brain. Wish we could spend more time together. My extended family – you’ve all kept me smiling. You’ve hugged me, invited me round, included me. Thank you – spending time with family always helps.
To my friends – you’ve listened, you’ve hugged, you’ve laughed with me. Each and every one of you – whether I have seen you loads or not at all – I appreciate you so very much. Maybe you’re a friend I haven’t spoken to for a while – I guarantee in my many hours of introspection I have thought of you. Happy memories with the friends I have made over the years helped me through some very low moments. Thank you to all of the wonderful humans I have had the privilege of meeting and knowing.
To my online community – you guys came to my rescue in my hour of need. Most of you have never met me but you read my posts, you left comments, you messaged me. You were there with me when I cried, you told me I was strong and that we were in it together. Some of you said that I was helping you and that was like a beacon of hope in the middle of the storm. If I can help others, then surely I will be OK myself.
To my medical team. You have seen me at my worst. You have treated me with kindness and given me the tools to get better. I love the NHS – where would we be without them? I am so grateful for the hours of support I have been given. It has helped me finally unpick the muddle in my mind.
And to everyone else that I have forgotten – thank you. I am afraid that my ability to remember everyone I should thank is still rubbish! I know there aren’t more of you to thank. Please don’t take the lack of mention as a slight – my mind is muddled still and it’s hard to recall everything.
You see, I have so very much to be grateful for. I have suffered through a lot but I have also seen kindness and love from across the globe. From the simplest actions – a smile, a hello – to the grand gestures – having Boo overnight – you have all shown me that there are many reasons to celebrate and enjoy life. A while ago I wrote about how to support a friend who is going through a miscarriage and talked about the ways that you can (and have!) helped. One of the most powerful things is hearing my friends encourage me. Mother Pukka recently ran a giveaway asking people to nominate their friends and giving reasons why. Which lead me to contact a few brands so I can do something similar. I know the encouragement of friends meant the world to me. And I want to spread that. I want to extend my supportive community so that it doesn’t just help me, but helps others feel supported too. Watch this space, giveaways are coming. They aren’t big. But when it comes to showing support to your friends – it doesn’t need to be. Showing gratitude and suport makes the world a nicer place to live.